Meanwhile, in Florida...

[BackInTex]

Are you being funny, or do you think that's the same guy?

It's not the same guy?

Vandal's post (585499) says "Deputies arrested Kenneth Carlyle on Friday afternoon after they say he damaged personal property when he defecated on his neighbor’s porch."

Your post (585567, 3 down from Vandal's) says "An affidavit said Kenneth Clark Carlyle, 64, walked up to his next door neighbor’s porch completely naked at around 4:40 p.m. and defecated on an outdoor table."

Maybe there are two Kenneth Carlyles going around naked shitting on neighbors' porches, in Florida, but I doubt it.

[BackInTex]

Seems a shame to include this in a thread about morons. I guess the DUI driver was a moron, but Trooper Schuck is an absolute hero.

The video of the head on crash is scary.

FHP trooper uses her cruiser to stop a suspected drunk driver

TAMPA, Fla. – A Florida Highway Patrol Officer is being called a hero, after she used her patrol car to stop a suspected drunk driver in Tampa.

Authorities were alerted to the driver, who was headed toward the route of a race, where thousands of runners were participating.

[Bob Juch]

Are you being funny, or do you think that's the same guy?

It's not the same guy?

Vandal's post (585499) says "Deputies arrested Kenneth Carlyle on Friday afternoon after they say he damaged personal property when he defecated on his neighbor's porch."

Your post (585567, 3 down from Vandal's) says "An affidavit said Kenneth Clark Carlyle, 64, walked up to his next door neighbor's porch completely naked at around 4:40 p.m. and defecated on an outdoor table."

Maybe there are two Kenneth Carlyles going around naked shitting on neighbors' porches, in Florida, but I doubt it.

You were talking about Vandal's first post, which I somehow overlooked.

[BackInTex]

Are you being funny, or do you think that's the same guy?

It's not the same guy?

Vandal's post (585499) says "Deputies arrested Kenneth Carlyle on Friday afternoon after they say he damaged personal property when he defecated on his neighbor's porch."

Your post (585567, 3 down from Vandal's) says "An affidavit said Kenneth Clark Carlyle, 64, walked up to his next door neighbor's porch completely naked at around 4:40 p.m. and defecated on an outdoor table."

Maybe there are two Kenneth Carlyles going around naked shitting on neighbors' porches, in Florida, but I doubt it.

You were talking about Vandal's first post, which I somehow overlooked.

I guess I can see how you get your naked Floridian men confused. Mullets, mustaches, and meatballs.

[Vandal]

Oregon, come on down!

Woman who wrote essay titled 'How to Murder Your Husband' on trial for murder of husband

PORTLAND, Ore. – The trial of a self-published romance writer accused of fatally shooting her chef husband started Monday.

Nancy Crampton Brophy has remained in custody since her arrest in September 2018, facing a murder charge in the death of Daniel Brophy, 63, The Oregonian/OregonLive reported.

His body was found inside the Oregon Culinary Institute in Portland. He was killed as he prepped for work at the institute around 7:30 a.m.

Crampton Brophy is a self-published romance writer who years before her husband's death penned an essay titled “How to Murder Your Husband.” She has also written other mystery novels including " The Wrong Husband."

Brophy’s death remained a mystery until his wife’s arrest, and authorities have never publicly disclosed another suspect.


https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nat ... 470115002/

[silverscreenselect]

The trial of a self-published romance writer accused of fatally shooting her chef husband started Monday. Nancy Crampton Brophy has remained in custody since her arrest in September 2018, facing a murder charge in the death of Daniel Brophy, 63, The Oregonian/OregonLive reported. His body was found inside the Oregon Culinary Institute in Portland. He was killed as he prepped for work at the institute around 7:30 a.m. Crampton Brophy is a self-published romance writer who years before her husband's death penned an essay titled “How to Murder Your Husband.” She has also written other mystery novels including " The Wrong Husband."

Brophy is listed on Amazon. Her author page says:

Nancy lives in the beautiful, green, and very wet, Northwest, married to a Chef whose mantra is: life is a science project. As a result, there are chickens and turkeys in her backyard, a fabulous vegetable garden which also grows tobacco for an insecticide and a hot meal on the table every night. For those of you who have longed for this, let her caution you. The old adage is true. Be careful what you wish for, when the gods are truly angry, they grant us our wishes. And the payment is always high, She fights an insidious ten pounds every year of her life.

She has written a series of "Wrong" books, including "The Wrong Husband," mentioned in Vandal's article. That currently ranks #68,000 on the Amazon best seller list. The other titles don't rank nearly that high, so the morbid curiosity factor may be in play here.

I don't want to suggest how Vandal might boost sales of some of his books, but ....

[Vandal]

I don't want to suggest how Vandal might boost sales of some of his books, but ....

Coming soon…

Spoiler

A Murder On The Bored

[Vandal]

This headline says it all:

Elderly Golfer Shoots Man In Ankle, Beats Him With Club For Walking Dog Along Course


https://www.barstoolsports.com/blog/341 ... ong-course

[Vandal]

What happens in Lake Mead…

Body found in barrel in Lake Mead may date back to 1980s, more likely to appear as water recedes

The body found in a barrel at Lake Mead on Sunday may have been underwater for as long as four decades and more bodies are likely to appear as the lake recedes due to severe drought, Las Vegas Metro police homicide Lt. Ray Spencer told the 8 News Now I-Team.

Boaters discovered the body around 3 p.m. Sunday. The I-Team first reported the discovery on Sunday afternoon.

Police suspect the person was killed in the 1980s based on personal items in the barrel, Spencer said. He would not elaborate on the person’s cause of death or the items found, citing the ongoing investigation.

https://www.8newsnow.com/i-team/i-team- ... olice-say/

[silverscreenselect]

My home state of Georgia puts in an appearance. It's times like these I wish lb was still active here:

Woman strips, pees on floor of Georgia Walmart after profanity-laced tirade, police say

Police have arrested a woman they say stripped and peed on the floor of a Fayetteville Walmart after going on a profanity-laced tirade through the store and hitting an employee. Police said April Barrow, 40, was searching for prophylactics on April 29 at around 6:30 a.m. when she started cursing at employees and throwing things at them. Witnesses then said she punched on employee.

“A witness/employee told police Barrow allegedly struck her multiple times in the arm with a closed fist,” police said. “Witnesses reported to police that Barrow took her clothes off and urinated on the floor.” Employees escorted her from the building. Barrow was putting her clothes back on as police arrived. Police were able to see what Barrow did inside the store when they reviewed surveillance videos. She was charged with two counts of simple battery, public indecency and disorderly conduct.

Someone should hold on to those surveillance videos. They could go viral.

[Vandal]

Thailand:

Leader of feces-eating cult arrested after 11 dead bodies discovered during raid

Thai police raided the compound of a suspected cult leader in Chaiyaphum province on Sunday, discovering at least 11 bodies during the search. Local authorities were able to raid the compound after the group allegedly violated land encroachment laws and broke Covid-19 restriction laws.

Law enforcement had already been made aware of the group after allegations were shared that the community had been consuming the bodily fluids of its leader. After police made their way onto the camp grounds, police then discovered the remains of 11 bodies in coffins.

https://www.thaienquirer.com/39988/lead ... %EF%BF%BC/

[Estonut]

Thailand:

Leader of feces-eating cult arrested after 11 dead bodies discovered during raid

Thai police raided the compound of a suspected cult leader in Chaiyaphum province on Sunday, discovering at least 11 bodies during the search. Local authorities were able to raid the compound after the group allegedly violated land encroachment laws and broke Covid-19 restriction laws.

Law enforcement had already been made aware of the group after allegations were shared that the community had been consuming the bodily fluids of its leader. After police made their way onto the camp grounds, police then discovered the remains of 11 bodies in coffins.

https://www.thaienquirer.com/39988/lead ... %EF%BF%BC/

I wonder if they were found grinning...

[silverscreenselect]

Moving up the east coast to South Carolina:

South Carolina man died from a heart problem while burying the woman he strangled

A 60-year-old man strangled a woman and tried to bury her in the backyard of their South Carolina home, but had a "cardiac event" in the process of covering a pit and died, according to a news release from the Edgefield County Sheriff's Office. Deputies responded to the home in Trenton on Saturday morning for calls of an unresponsive man lying in his yard. Deputies identified him as Joseph McKinnon, who had no signs of trauma "and natural causes were suspected," the release said. As deputies notified the next of kin, a second body was found in the freshly dug pit, the release said. Officials identified those remains as Patricia Dent, 65, who also lived at the home. Dent "appeared to have died by foul play," the release said.

An investigation led deputies to believe McKinnon attacked Dent inside their home, the release said. Deputies said McKinnon then bound and wrapped her in trash bags before putting her in the previously dug pit in the yard. While he was covering the pit in, McKinnon had a cardiac event that caused his death, the release said.

https://www.cnn.com/2022/05/11/us/south ... index.html

[Bob Juch]

Moving up the east coast to South Carolina:

South Carolina man died from a heart problem while burying the woman he strangled

A 60-year-old man strangled a woman and tried to bury her in the backyard of their South Carolina home, but had a "cardiac event" in the process of covering a pit and died, according to a news release from the Edgefield County Sheriff's Office. Deputies responded to the home in Trenton on Saturday morning for calls of an unresponsive man lying in his yard. Deputies identified him as Joseph McKinnon, who had no signs of trauma "and natural causes were suspected," the release said. As deputies notified the next of kin, a second body was found in the freshly dug pit, the release said. Officials identified those remains as Patricia Dent, 65, who also lived at the home. Dent "appeared to have died by foul play," the release said.

An investigation led deputies to believe McKinnon attacked Dent inside their home, the release said. Deputies said McKinnon then bound and wrapped her in trash bags before putting her in the previously dug pit in the yard. While he was covering the pit in, McKinnon had a cardiac event that caused his death, the release said.

https://www.cnn.com/2022/05/11/us/south ... index.html

Look for this in next week's This is True.

[Vandal]

Arkansas:

Kingsland water tower shot; silhouette of Johnny Cash struck in sensitive spot


Upon arriving at the Kingsland municipal building early Tuesday, the city's water office manager Betty Graham discovered that a hole had been shot through the adjacently located water tower tank. But it does not appear to be a random shot as the precise location of the bullet hole makes it appear that the image of the Man in Black is relieving himself.



https://www.arkansasonline.com/news/202 ... of-johnny/

[Vandal]

Florida man and woman crash into FedEx truck during sex act

Well, there's really no way to put this delicately. A Florida driver distracted by receiving intimate services from his passenger lost track of his surroundings and crashed head-on (it only gets worse from here, folks) into a FedEx delivery vehicle in Ft. Lauderdale on Thursday, resulting in "injuries to his private area," WPLG Local 10 reports.

The driver and passenger were apparently driving northbound in an SUV on North Ocean Boulevard when the driver became distracted by his passenger's performance and crossed the center line, striking the delivery van as it traveled southbound near the intersection with Northwest 19th St. Neither occupant of the FedEx vehicle was injured; the only package harmed was the one being attentively gift-wrapped by the passenger of the SUV.

https://autos.yahoo.com/florida-man-pas ... 00159.html

[Vandal]

Florida man bitten by 7-foot alligator he mistook for dog

A man survived an alligator attack on the Gulf Coast of Florida after he mistook the 7-foot-long reptile for a dog, authorities said Wednesday.

The confrontation unfolded at about 12:34 a.m. on Tuesday near the Warm Mineral Springs Motel in North Port, according to statement by Sarasota County Sheriff’s spokesman Douglas Johnson.

The man was on pathway near the motel and “noticed a dark figure moving along the bushes” and believed it was a “dog with a long leash, which is why he wasn’t hesitant to move out of the way,” according to Johnson.

“That’s when the alligator bit his right leg, holding on, and pulling on his muscle/tissue,” the sheriff’s statement continued. “He advised he attempted to get away at that point and felt the alligator rip a chunk of his muscle/tissue off.”

https://www.today.com/news/florida-man- ... -rcna32716

[jarnon]

From Pennsylvania, a dangerously close call ...

Abandoned West Philly home catches fire shortly after 154 gallons of gas found inside

[Vandal]

Florida pair arrested for filming sexual acts with their dog

A Florida woman was arrested Tuesday for allegedly committing sexual acts with her dog while her ex-boyfriend, who was also arrested, recorded on video, police said.

Christina Calello, 36, “willingly engaged in sexual activity with the dog on multiple occasions” over the course of roughly eight years, according to the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Department.

Her ex-lover, 39-year-old Geoffrey Springer, of Largo, allegedly recorded the encounters and put them on a hard drive.

The dog, which had no visible injuries, was taken to an animal hospital by deputies for a routine examination.

The nature of the sexual acts was not disclosed by police.


https://nypost.com/2022/08/03/florida-p ... their-dog/

[Beebs52]

Gahhhhhhhhh

[Vandal]

Florida mom found ‘explicit’ photos on daughter’s phone. Then came the pipe, cops say

A mother in Florida was arrested after deputies say she physically abused her tween daughter after finding sexual images on her phone.

According to the Flagler County Sheriff’s Office, the mother was incensed after finding “sexually explicit” pictures on a juvenile family member’s phone. According to widespread media reports, the family member was later identified as the suspect’s 12-year-old daughter.

Witnesses told police the 33-year-old abused the tween by handcuffing her to a steering wheel in a hot car for “some time,” then took her to a nearby hotel where the mother worked. There, police say, is where the mother screamed at the minor, shaved the child’s head, shoved a pipe in her mouth, and scribbled sexually derogatory words on her face.


https://www.yahoo.com/news/florida-mom- ... 32207.html

[Vandal]

Just another day in Oklahoma:

Semi-Truck Spills Lube And Dildos After Overturning On Interstate, Jokes Are Coming

A semi-truck in Oklahoma City overturned on a highway last week, causing it to spills its load, so to speak, which happened to consist primarily of sex toys such as dildos and containers of sexual lubricant material. Footage of the result, with the items spilled all over a highway exit, along with the hilarious commentary from local news, soon had this story going viral across social media platforms.

The story got so huge with so many people wondering if those actually were dildos all over the road that Snopes did a report on it, confirming that the crash was real and the items spilled from the truck were what everyone thought it was. After examining helicopter footage from the news reports on the crash, they were able to confirm that many of the boxes featured the Adam & Eve G-Spot Touch Finger Vibe.

The company that owns the truck, HDR Transport, also confirmed that it contained “a liquid to clean the sex toys.”

https://god.dailydot.com/truck-spills-dildos-jokes/

[silverscreenselect]

This one's a sports entry from Montana, where Montana State beat Weber State 43-38 yesterday. That's not the story. What's unusual is that Montana State recorded a Division I record four safeties in the game, all occurring on bad snaps on Weber State attempted punts that went over the punter's head and into the endzone. Weber State and Montana State are both FCS schools in the Big Sky Conference. The previous record for safeties in a Division I game was three, which occurred several times in both FCS and FBS games. Weber State was actually unbeaten going into the game.



https://www.si.com/college/2022/10/22/m ... ingle-game

[jarnon]

Florida attorney who opposed state helmet law dies in motorcycle crash while not wearing one

[silverscreenselect]

The international contingent needs to be heard from:

‘World’s dirtiest man’ dies at 94, months after his first wash

An Iranian hermit known as “the world’s dirtiest man” has died at the ripe age of 94, just months after taking his first wash in decades, Iranian state media announced. “Amu Haji” – Uncle Haji – as he was referred to, died on Sunday in Dezhgah, a village in the country’s southern province of Fars, state news agency IRNA reported. According to the region’s district head, Haji had for decades avoided fresh food and believed that “if he cleans himself, he will get sick,” the agency reported.

Haji was known for his staunch stance against bathing: A few years ago, when a group of villagers took him to a nearby river in an attempt to bathe him, he threw himself out of the car and ran away. Locals in the area all treated him and his condition with respect, IRNA reported, understanding that his fear of getting sick was the reason he avoided water. A few months ago, villagers successfully gave Haji a wash.

Haji was unmarried.

That last sentence was the least surprising in the entire article.