Laws of Ultimate Reality

[Sir_Galahad]

These have nothing to do with politics.

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Bio mechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly related to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

[gsabc]

Some corollaries:

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Corollary:
If there is something in the path of the dropped tool, the tool will land where it will cause the most damage.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Corollary:
Never let anything mechanical know you're in a hurry.

[SportsFan68]

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Corollary:
Never let anything mechanical know you're in a hurry.

Corollary: The smoothness of photocopier operation is inversely proportional to how desperately you need the copies.

[MarleysGh0st]

These have nothing to do with politics.

Why are you posting it here, then?

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

If nobody answers, how would you know you dialed a wrong number?

[SportsFan68]

If nobody answers, how would you know you dialed a wrong number?

The answering machine!

I hung up immediately when I heard "Hi, this is Julie!" but it was too late. Her caller ID had captured my number, and she called me back later to see what I wanted! Aargh!

No, I did not know this person. She sounded about 14. Dang, these kids are wired in to the Communications Age.

[MarleysGh0st]

If nobody answers, how would you know you dialed a wrong number?

The answering machine!

I'd count that as an answer.