Deep in the back woods, the wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor went out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, Clem, you hold this high so's I can see what I'm doin'."
Soon , a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," sez the doc, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down!!! I think I see another one a comin'!"
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, Clem, and don't set 'er down!!! There's another one!" sez the doc.
A few minutes he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one a comin'" cried the doc.
The new dad scratched his head in befuddlement, and asked the doctor, "Say, doc, ya reckon it might be the light what's attractin' em'?"
Birthin' Them Babies
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wintergreen48
- Posts: 2481
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 1:42 pm
- Location: Resting comfortably in my comfy chair
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ulysses5019
- Purveyor of Avatars
- Posts: 19442
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 10:52 am
- Location: Los Angeles, CA
This joke looked lonely.....
WHITE LIE CAKE
Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially all of those who bake for church events.
Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa , but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered the morning of the bake sale; and, after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, & helping her son pack for Scout camp.
When Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She thought, 'Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake. '
This cak e was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.
Alice found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect.
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.
When Amanda arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. She grabbed her cell phone and called her mom.
Alice was horrified - she was beside herself. Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, and ridiculed! Al l night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.
The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. Alice did not want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at Alice because she was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa but, having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.
The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South and,to Alice 's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert! Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!
She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, 'What a beautiful cake !'
Alice still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, 'Thank you, I baked it myself.'
Alice smiled and thought to herself, 'God is good.'
WHITE LIE CAKE
Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially all of those who bake for church events.
Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa , but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered the morning of the bake sale; and, after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, & helping her son pack for Scout camp.
When Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She thought, 'Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake. '
This cak e was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.
Alice found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect.
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.
When Amanda arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. She grabbed her cell phone and called her mom.
Alice was horrified - she was beside herself. Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, and ridiculed! Al l night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.
The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. Alice did not want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at Alice because she was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa but, having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.
The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South and,to Alice 's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert! Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!
She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, 'What a beautiful cake !'
Alice still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, 'Thank you, I baked it myself.'
Alice smiled and thought to herself, 'God is good.'
I believe in the usefulness of useless information.
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ne1410s
- Posts: 2961
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 5:26 pm
- Location: The Friendly Confines
The young man had always wanted to be a paratrooper. After boot camp he went to jump school. Three weeks had gone by when he finally called his father.
Hey, kiddo! How's it going?
Not good, Dad. Today we had our first "live" jump. I got to the door of the plane and froze. I couldn't move a muscle. The jumpmaster screamed into my ear, "Son, if you don't jump, I'm going to shove this flashlight up your ass!!
Well, son, did you jump?
Yeah, a little...
Hey, kiddo! How's it going?
Not good, Dad. Today we had our first "live" jump. I got to the door of the plane and froze. I couldn't move a muscle. The jumpmaster screamed into my ear, "Son, if you don't jump, I'm going to shove this flashlight up your ass!!
Well, son, did you jump?
Yeah, a little...
"When you argue with a fool, there are two fools in the argument."