Got a kid who thinks he's entitled to college

[Flybrick]

I've got a stepson (I've been the only father figure since age 6) who is very gifted. So gifted that he earned admission into the No 1 high school in the country. He's brilliant at things he likes - math that makes me scratch my head, computers, etc.

He's lazy at subjects he doesn't like - English, government, etc. And that pulled his GPA down from being an MIT contender to Joe state school.

Ok, he has to live with those decisions.

Now, however, he's just letting everything slack off regarding grades. "It doesn't matter anymore 'cuz I got in" excuse was explained to him in no uncertain terms.

Now, however, I will find out in the next few days about his current grades. I calmly told him at his last disasterous report card that any further laziness would result in college being 100% on his dime. His attitude is that he's entitled to school. (And that was not instilled by the parents. His peers are all brianiacs and from affluent families).

My wife, whom I love dearly, is a creampuff and rolls over on everything.

My question, finally, to the bored, is do I follow through?

I'm inclined to, or at most, let him start at a community college while he gets his head straight.

In other words, let him discover for himself since no words of mine get through, that life's tough. And that it's tougher if you're stupid........

Any thoughts?

[5LD]

Well, depending on the situation.....you could illustrate how important it is to get those good grades in other classes by only paying for those he doesn't like for the first semester or two and forcing him to do well before he takes the stuff he's interested in. I know sometimes it's hard to get thru without classes in your fields of interest for the first two sememsters but maybe you could force one? Just a vindictive little thought first thing before my coffee.....

[Appa23]

I think that you have to follow through on your words. There is no learning or growth when actions have no consequences.

I imagine that this might influence you one way or the other, but I essentially paid for my college (and for part of high school) through my own savings (and scholarships).

[dimmzy]

Gentle BoredBuddy:

Since you are the stepparent, I'm wondering why the parents are stepping aside and letting you fight this battle.

Sadly, I'm already predicting that you will lose.

[MarleysGh0st]

Gentle BoredBuddy:

Since you are the stepparent, I'm wondering why the parents are stepping aside and letting you fight this battle.

Sadly, I'm already predicting that you will lose.

I'm afraid I have to agree. This has been an ongoing issue about effort in his classes and expectations about college and you've waited until he's been accepted by a college and in his last month of high school to draw a line in the sand?

And Mrs. Flybrick isn't allied with you on this?

[PlacentiaSoccerMom]

When the UC Schools came out to talk to the Freshman they said that they will look at final report cards from the senior year. If they grades are not good, they will not let students enroll as Freshman.

[kayrharris]

Personally, I think the community college is great idea. It's not as expensive and might help him just get into the "college routine". Maybe if he finishes the first two semesters and does well, you could agree to start paying the tuition with the understanding he has to repay you for any class that has a grade below a "B". Probably not unreasonable since he is capable of good grades.

If you don't follow through with what you initially told him, you can hang up trying to have any repercussions later. Unfortunately, sometimes the gifted are harder to deal with regarding school.

My youngest daughter just barely got in Auburn with her ACT, but she worked very hard and graduated in 4 years magna cum laude. You just never know.

Good luck!

[dimmzy]

Community college IS great, but there is no way that a "gifted" high school student will be satisfied with "Me Go Community College!" (Sorry, that's how gifted kids around here refer to it)

He will:

1) decide to skip college altogether and move in with some unsavory friend and inform his mother that he doesn't care anymore

2) tell you that you aren't his father

3) complain to grandparents -- or Social Services

4) and this is guaranteed, cause major fights between you and the Mrs., thus leading her to send him money secretly because she already feels guilty depriving him of a two-parent Cleaver family childhood.

[Flybrick]

Thanks for the inputs.

Some further illumination:

His mom, my wife, sides with me, just doesn't like conflict.
His bio dad is an non-issue as far as contact, etc. Dude doesn't exist. (Wonder how anyone can pull that trick voluntarily and live with themselves?)

This has been an on-going rollercoaster in high school. Slacking off followed by repercussions, followed by improved performance, followed by slacking off, etc, etc, etc.

Yes, I know and he knows (if hasn't internally processed) that failing grades now could mean the institution says, "Not so much" to him.

I, too, paid my way through school.

We've never spoiled him or his siblings, they do chores, etc. Obviously, there's much context and subtlety that can't be imparted in a post, but I am so frustrated.

Yeah, I'm gonna follow through, I just hate to see the potential pissed away......

[SportsFan68]

Follow through.

Working summers at Target and part-time during the school year brought my (theoretical) Science PAF's niece around. If she loses her scholarship, she'll probably have to drop out for a year and work full-time.

I won't wish on you what caused her divorced parents to be unable to help -- Dad had horrific medical expenses because of diabetes complications, and Mom had minimum wage jobs for about a year and drained her savings when she moved out here to Colorado.

Every situation is different. Good luck.

[peacock2121]

Hold the phone, Lucy!

Are you ready for this!

Here it comes!


What HoltDad said.

[MarleysGh0st]

Hold the phone, Lucy!

Are you ready for this!

Here it comes!


What HoltDad said.

Holy crap!

[peacock2121]

Hold the phone, Lucy!

Are you ready for this!

Here it comes!


What HoltDad said.

Holy crap!

Made me laugh.


right out loud