Jilted for Barbie

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Autumn2 · #1 Post by **Autumn2** » Tue May 06, 2008 2:05 pm

Well, ladies and gentlemen, in my first non-millionaire-related post, I'll say that....I may have been jilted for a Barbie Doll.

Oh, I don't know what she actually looks like, but her name is Barbie.

Seems an email that was meant for her was sent to me instead by accident. He's driving back now, an 8-10 hour drive, after having had about 2 hours sleep last night, to try to make amends with me.

Do I believe his tale (tail, ass, whatever) or not?

I wonder if Barbie has a Ken?

gsabc · #2 Post by **gsabc** » Tue May 06, 2008 2:21 pm

Ouch. Not good.

Make sure the 'BAM check is all yours.

The wonders of technology: the ability to screw up your life at light speed with the click of a button.

silvercamaro · #3 Post by **silvercamaro** » Tue May 06, 2008 2:21 pm

Autumn, you've read the e-mail and I haven't, so I'm not exactly offering advice from a knowledgeable position. But, since the guy is making an effort to get back to you ASAP, I would suggest you withhold making any drastic decisions until you've heard what he has to say.

Factor in whether he's ever shown any inclination to cheat on you (or previous known girlfriends) in the past, and whether -- just possibly -- the e-mail might have been intended for a co-worker or a cousin.

christie1111 · #4 Post by **christie1111** » Tue May 06, 2008 2:26 pm

You can believe or not believe what you choose to.

But it seems some cheating and/or lying has occurred.

Guess it depends on what is invested and how much it would take to repair the damage.

Best of luck.

Autumn2 · #5 Post by **Autumn2** » Tue May 06, 2008 2:40 pm

I'll be leaving work soon, and stopping at the toy store to get a barbie doll to leave on his bed.......

themanintheseersuckersuit · #6 Post by **themanintheseersuckersuit** » Tue May 06, 2008 2:48 pm

Autumn2 wrote:I'll be leaving work soon, and stopping at the toy store to get a barbie doll to leave on his bed.......

I hope you haven't been watching Dexter on CBS

mrkelley23 · #7 Post by **mrkelley23** » Tue May 06, 2008 3:16 pm

I've noticed over the years that women seem to be much more forgiving on this topic than men.

My wife and I had this discussion a few nights ago, trying to sort out who to vote for. I allowed as how, the stupid Iraq vote notwithstanding, I could never respect Hillary for sticking with Bill. To do so is clearly about ambition and seeing her goals as more reachable with him than without him, no matter how often and how deeply he humiliates her. Bah, I say.

Autumn, I don't know you or bf, but if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's most likely a duck.

And many times, these "accidental" emails and such are more purposeful than anyone, including the sender, realizes.

PlacentiaSoccerMom · #8 Post by **PlacentiaSoccerMom** » Tue May 06, 2008 3:18 pm

I am so sorry. What are you going to do?

PlacentiaSoccerMom · #9 Post by **PlacentiaSoccerMom** » Tue May 06, 2008 3:20 pm

Autumn2 wrote:I'll be leaving work soon, and stopping at the toy store to get a barbie doll to leave on his bed.......

I personally think that you should get a Ken doll too and break off a leg. (I would suggest that you do something to its genitals, but Ken doesn't have genitals.)

kusch · #10 Post by **kusch** » Tue May 06, 2008 3:33 pm

I do not know any or all of the "facts" but based on what you have given us in your post here is my opinion.

If he does have a "Barbie" you will have to make a decision to either forgive him and move forward with him or you will decide to move along with your life without him. Your call.

If you choose to move along on your own, hold your head up high, remain the adult in this relationship and do not revert to some voodoo doll junior high antic.

SportsFan68 · #11 Post by **SportsFan68** » Tue May 06, 2008 3:49 pm

kusch wrote:If you choose to move along on your own, hold your head up high, remain the adult in this relationship and do not revert to some voodoo doll junior high antic.

My opinion is that a junior high antic will sometimes save the offender from a worse fate.

I would never have pulled a stunt like that when I got dumped for RedHeadedBarbie. I did drink a bit too much (with friends -- don't worry, I dint fall into any dens of iniquity or crack houses or anything). On balance, I wish I'd taken it out a little more on them and a little less on myself.

My opinion for Autumn is the same as SC's. Hear what he has to say.

Then throw him in the river.

(I kid, I kid!!)

Autumn2 · #12 Post by **Autumn2** » Tue May 06, 2008 3:53 pm

Thanks for your replies and thoughts, everyone.

THe deal is this....it was a very flirty email. He says nothing happened (as in physical), but the email he sent ...thanking her for a 'lovely night', one in which 'the hours flew by'....was definitely flirty and too close for what is supposed to be a business colleague. Plus, it was sent on his personal email, not work email. It contaned x's and o's. He's known her for a year, via email, he says. He wants to help her get a new job...her job is in danger now, and she a host of other things going on in her life that make her a damsel in distress.

We have been together 2 years, but it is a long-distance relationship. We spend more time apart than together. We can really only be together, realistically, 3 months a year and then grab what days we can in between.

He has literally worked his ass off to get work in the US, so we can be together. So for him to do something like this makes no sense.

I don't believe anything physical did happen...don't know if it would have, either, but he has obviously been exchanging emails with her on a personal level, a level so personal that one who is in a relationship should not indulge in.

I still think the Barbie doll is funny. Anything that I can laugh at in bad situations is good. It's in character with my sense of humour, too. He's English and always calling me a 'tinker'.

Edited to add:

I forgot, he initially tried lying about the email; tried to put it off to a prank by some collegaues; told me he knew no one named barbie.

PlacentiaSoccerMom · #13 Post by **PlacentiaSoccerMom** » Tue May 06, 2008 4:13 pm

Autumn2 wrote:
I forgot, he initially tried lying about the email; tried to put it off to a prank by some collegaues; told me he knew no one named barbie.

In my mind, this is bad. Why lie if nothing was going on. The "X's and O's" on the email trouble me as well. The email sounds really inappropriate and unprofessional.

I don't know about your particular situation. When I worked, I would often see men cheat on their wives, get a divorce, have a garnishment for the child support/alimony, then cheat on the next wife and get garnished again...There was one guy who was on his third child support/alimony garnishment. Anyway, from what I have seen, guys who cheat once are likely to do it again.

a1mamacat · #14 Post by **a1mamacat** » Tue May 06, 2008 4:28 pm

Autumn, as one currently living on the edge of hell, although of a different type, my heart goes out to you.

Although I am no expert, I've experienced enough of a triangle situation that I can say that it was no accident that you got that email.

He wanted you to know, and now he is feeling relieved, and the stress and strain and emotional baggage is dumped on your lap. Most unfair of him, on top of the absolute crap he appears to have pulled. Even if nothing physical has actually happened, it has to have occured in his head and on paper.

You may want to go through the computer!

Personally, I would have his stuff packed, outside and let "Barbie" know that "Ken" is on his way and he's her problem now.

But, that's just me. Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

Bob Juch · #15 Post by **Bob Juch** » Tue May 06, 2008 9:10 pm

Autumn2 wrote:Thanks for your replies and thoughts, everyone.

THe deal is this....it was a very flirty email. He says nothing happened (as in physical), but the email he sent ...thanking her for a 'lovely night', one in which 'the hours flew by'....was definitely flirty and too close for what is supposed to be a business colleague. Plus, it was sent on his personal email, not work email. It contaned x's and o's. He's known her for a year, via email, he says. He wants to help her get a new job...her job is in danger now, and she a host of other things going on in her life that make her a damsel in distress.

We have been together 2 years, but it is a long-distance relationship. We spend more time apart than together. We can really only be together, realistically, 3 months a year and then grab what days we can in between.

He has literally worked his ass off to get work in the US, so we can be together. So for him to do something like this makes no sense.

I don't believe anything physical did happen...don't know if it would have, either, but he has obviously been exchanging emails with her on a personal level, a level so personal that one who is in a relationship should not indulge in.

I still think the Barbie doll is funny. Anything that I can laugh at in bad situations is good. It's in character with my sense of humour, too. He's English and always calling me a 'tinker'.

Edited to add:

I forgot, he initially tried lying about the email; tried to put it off to a prank by some collegaues; told me he knew no one named barbie.

Now that I have more facts....

.... dump the S.O.B.

peacock2121 · #16 Post by **peacock2121** » Wed May 07, 2008 7:07 am

Your decision will be what it is. You will look back years from now and know what drove your decision. Whatever you decide will be part of your development as a woman and as a partner.

You can't do the wrong thing if you know that it is all training and devolpment in being a human being, a woman and a partner. You will cry, you will be angry, you will question everything you know and try to make sense of it all. It won't make sense. See how much you are willing to trust - you, him, your inner alarm system. Then do what you do.

BackInTex · #17 Post by **BackInTex** » Wed May 07, 2008 7:17 am

Bob Juch wrote:Now that I have more facts....

.... dump the S.O.B.

I agree with Bob.

He is not committed. If he is, even worse.

He is easily tempted to try forbidden fruit and he will do it again. Maybe not this year or next, but sometime in the future when it is much much harder for you to walk away.

He is not the only man out there. He is not the man for you.

Run. Don't look back. You will not be sorry, for long. Expect some pain early on, but compare that to a lifetime of pain and disappointment.

You will never trust him again. You will always wonder, and every side glance of his eye will remind you of this.

mrkelley23 · #18 Post by **mrkelley23** » Wed May 07, 2008 6:37 pm

peacock2121 wrote:Your decision will be what it is. You will look back years from now and know what drove your decision. Whatever you decide will be part of your development as a woman and as a partner.

You can't do the wrong thing if you know that it is all training and devolpment in being a human being, a woman and a partner. You will cry, you will be angry, you will question everything you know and try to make sense of it all. It won't make sense. See how much you are willing to trust - you, him, your inner alarm system. Then do what you do.

No offense, but....

What the **** does this mean?

I must be a guy.

Appa23 · #19 Post by **Appa23** » Wed May 07, 2008 9:26 pm

mrkelley23 wrote:
peacock2121 wrote:Your decision will be what it is. You will look back years from now and know what drove your decision. Whatever you decide will be part of your development as a woman and as a partner.

You can't do the wrong thing if you know that it is all training and devolpment in being a human being, a woman and a partner. You will cry, you will be angry, you will question everything you know and try to make sense of it all. It won't make sense. See how much you are willing to trust - you, him, your inner alarm system. Then do what you do.
No offense, but....

What the **** does this mean?

I must be a guy.

Clearly, MrK, you didn't get suckered into the "human potential movement" vis-a-vis EST and Werner Erhard.

peacock2121 · #20 Post by **peacock2121** » Thu May 08, 2008 5:55 am

mrkelley23 wrote:
peacock2121 wrote:Your decision will be what it is. You will look back years from now and know what drove your decision. Whatever you decide will be part of your development as a woman and as a partner.

You can't do the wrong thing if you know that it is all training and devolpment in being a human being, a woman and a partner. You will cry, you will be angry, you will question everything you know and try to make sense of it all. It won't make sense. See how much you are willing to trust - you, him, your inner alarm system. Then do what you do.
No offense, but....

What the **** does this mean?

I must be a guy.

Okay - I think you really are asking what this means, so I will try and say the same thing a different way.

Your decision will be what it is.

This means - she is going to do whatever she does - what ever she decides - to stay with him, to not stay with him, to stay with him and always have one foot out the door - to stay with him waiting for a sign that she really should loeave - whatever she decides - it will be what it is.

You will look back years from now and know what drove your decision.

This means that 10 or 15 years from now, she will be able to look back at this time and from the point of view of an older, more experienced woman, she will see why she decided what she decided. She might see that she was afraid of being alone, of being a loser, of being thought of as a quiter, of being a fool etc. The ditance of time will make it more obvious to her. Chances are, she will not be able to be that honest about her motives while she is in the middle of it.

Whatever you decide will be part of your development as a woman and as a partner.

This means that we all develop ourselves in the roles we have in life - the role of dad, mom, husband, daughter and so on. Each decision we make inside of those roles is part of our development in that role. If she stays - she may develop herself as a partner who can be counted on to stick with anything, she may further develop herself as a doormat. If she leaves, she may develope herself as a non-forgiver or as a woman who demands respect.

You can't do the wrong thing if you know that it is all training and devolpment in being a human being, a woman and a partner.

Most times, people fret about the decision because they are worried about doing 'the wrong thing'. If she can set that aside and know that no matter what she decides, it isn't wrong - it is training and development - it is all a lesson, then there is freedom to decide.

You will cry, you will be angry, you will question everything you know and try to make sense of it all. It won't make sense. See how much you are willing to trust - you, him, your inner alarm system. Then do what you do.

This seems pretty straight forward to me.

If you were just making fun of me and didn't really care to have it all become clearer, I am still glad you asked. In my responding, it became clearer to me. I even got stuff for myself about when I stayed with Dr Dick after he cheated on me.

peacock2121 · #21 Post by **peacock2121** » Thu May 08, 2008 6:07 am

Appa23 wrote:
mrkelley23 wrote:
peacock2121 wrote:Your decision will be what it is. You will look back years from now and know what drove your decision. Whatever you decide will be part of your development as a woman and as a partner.

You can't do the wrong thing if you know that it is all training and devolpment in being a human being, a woman and a partner. You will cry, you will be angry, you will question everything you know and try to make sense of it all. It won't make sense. See how much you are willing to trust - you, him, your inner alarm system. Then do what you do.
No offense, but....

What the **** does this mean?

I must be a guy.
Clearly, MrK, you didn't get suckered into the "human potential movement" vis-a-vis EST and Werner Erhard.

My picture of Mikey is that he is interested in his own potential. He is interested in discovering what drives him and those he loves. He is interested in discovering what is possible for his life. He is interested in seeing if what is having him do what he is doing (be it fear or domination or having to be right, etc) is the way he really wants to be.

I have been suckered into wanting that. I did do the EST training. It is the most impactful course I have ever done in my life. I could talk about Werner Erhard and all of the mistakes he has made in his life and none of that takes away from the difference doing the EST training and follow up courses in the last 28 years has made in my life.

Autumn2 · #22 Post by **Autumn2** » Thu May 08, 2008 1:00 pm

You will cry, you will be angry, you will question everything you know and try to make sense of it all. It won't make sense. See how much you are willing to trust - you, him, your inner alarm system. Then do what you do.

Code: Select all



Yup, this sums it up very nicely.

Sorry you had to deal with infidelity, peacock. :( 


We're talking. It's been two nights now. I did a lot of yelling the second night. No sleep. He's a wreck. Do I believe him nothing happened and that he has no history emailing this woman? Actually, yes...with a bit of doubt, I guess. It actually would have been easier if he had indeed cheated and could tell me that; he can't even begin to know why he wrote such an inappropriate email and that is very frustrating.  But, he's fighting like hell for us.

So that's that. And I really, really, really need sleep!

Autumn2 · #23 Post by **Autumn2** » Thu May 08, 2008 1:01 pm

You will cry, you will be angry, you will question everything you know and try to make sense of it all. It won't make sense. See how much you are willing to trust - you, him, your inner alarm system. Then do what you do.

Yup, this sums it up very nicely.

Sorry you had to deal with infidelity, peacock.

We're talking. It's been two nights now. I did a lot of yelling the second night. No sleep. He's a wreck. Do I believe him nothing happened and that he has no history emailing this woman? Actually, yes...with a bit of doubt, I guess. It actually would have been easier if he had indeed cheated and could tell me that; he can't even begin to know why he wrote such an inappropriate email and that is very frustrating. But, he's fighting like hell for us.

So that's that. And I really, really, really need sleep!

mrkelley23 · #24 Post by **mrkelley23** » Thu May 08, 2008 7:25 pm

peacock2121 wrote:
mrkelley23 wrote:
peacock2121 wrote:Your decision will be what it is. You will look back years from now and know what drove your decision. Whatever you decide will be part of your development as a woman and as a partner.

You can't do the wrong thing if you know that it is all training and devolpment in being a human being, a woman and a partner. You will cry, you will be angry, you will question everything you know and try to make sense of it all. It won't make sense. See how much you are willing to trust - you, him, your inner alarm system. Then do what you do.
No offense, but....

What the **** does this mean?

I must be a guy.
Okay - I think you really are asking what this means, so I will try and say the same thing a different way.

Your decision will be what it is.

This means - she is going to do whatever she does - what ever she decides - to stay with him, to not stay with him, to stay with him and always have one foot out the door - to stay with him waiting for a sign that she really should loeave - whatever she decides - it will be what it is.

You will look back years from now and know what drove your decision.

This means that 10 or 15 years from now, she will be able to look back at this time and from the point of view of an older, more experienced woman, she will see why she decided what she decided. She might see that she was afraid of being alone, of being a loser, of being thought of as a quiter, of being a fool etc. The ditance of time will make it more obvious to her. Chances are, she will not be able to be that honest about her motives while she is in the middle of it.

Whatever you decide will be part of your development as a woman and as a partner.

This means that we all develop ourselves in the roles we have in life - the role of dad, mom, husband, daughter and so on. Each decision we make inside of those roles is part of our development in that role. If she stays - she may develop herself as a partner who can be counted on to stick with anything, she may further develop herself as a doormat. If she leaves, she may develope herself as a non-forgiver or as a woman who demands respect.

You can't do the wrong thing if you know that it is all training and devolpment in being a human being, a woman and a partner.

Most times, people fret about the decision because they are worried about doing 'the wrong thing'. If she can set that aside and know that no matter what she decides, it isn't wrong - it is training and development - it is all a lesson, then there is freedom to decide.

You will cry, you will be angry, you will question everything you know and try to make sense of it all. It won't make sense. See how much you are willing to trust - you, him, your inner alarm system. Then do what you do.

This seems pretty straight forward to me.

If you were just making fun of me and didn't really care to have it all become clearer, I am still glad you asked. In my responding, it became clearer to me. I even got stuff for myself about when I stayed with Dr Dick after he cheated on me.

I really did want to know. You are usually a plain-spoken and straightforward type, and this post sounded more like Dr. Phil. It obviously had its intended effect, though, and that's all that matters in this case.

Thanks for explaining.