A Twitter horror story

[Vandal]

This was taken from a Twitter convo between two writers. It may have been staged, but it's still funny.



Sam:
yo, can you help me out


Chuck:
hey what do you need


Sam:
I don't know if I told you but I recently became a camp counselor


Chuck:
that's cool


Sam:
it was going super well but there's some kind of crazed serial killer roaming the grounds right now


Chuck:
oh shit that sometimes happens


Sam:
you got any advice? they're all dead. like, almost everyone


Chuck:
okay first I hate to ask this but are you sure YOU are not the killer?


Sam:
I can't be 100% sure


Chuck:
see yeah I wondered
are you covered in blood?


Sam:
no
wait, yes


Chuck:
is it your blood?


Sam:
how can you tell?


Chuck:
well, are you bleeding?


Sam:
I don't think so, no


Chuck:
okay, okay, lets see, what else
oh I know
are you holding a weapon? probably a sharp one?


Sam:
hang on, let me check
is a machete a weapon


Chuck:
in this context, yes
but! It could be because you are protecting yourself so
last question
are you wearing some kind of... creepy mask?


Sam:
like subjective creepy or objective creepy


Chuck:
generally, the creepiness will be broadly creepy like to a mass audience, so, lets go with objectively


Sam:
okay so what kind of professions might be considered creepy


Chuck:
like, I dunno, a clown, or a human scarecrow, or a plague doctor from a long time ago
... wait you are wearing a mask aren't you


Sam:
yeah but I don't know if it's creepy


Chuck:
okay let's take creepy out of the equation
what kind of mask are you wearing?


Sam:
a wooden mask whose empty eyes drink in the light and whose jagged grin suggests it was carved, forced upon it when it didn't laugh


Chuck:
oh see, yeah, yep, that's creepy
that's not even a job or anything that's just
I mean, you found an evil mask and put it on


Sam:
all right I can appreciate that but I came for advice not judgment


Chuck:
okay, fair enough
hey, so, I Googled all this stuff and it looks a whole lot like you are the killer, so that's a plus for you


Sam:
all right cool cool
so what does one typically do in these situations


Chuck:
well, good news is, you can probably feel free to just kill more people
but uhhh
there is bad news too


Sam:
oh boy
let's hear it


Chuck:
so, generally speaking, like, mooooost of the time, you're gonna get got
probably by the last person you choose to kill


Sam:
oh fuck, you might be right
there's like three or four of those guys still running around


Chuck:
right, yeah, so if you kill all of them, the last one you go to kill will totally turn the tables on you
but there is more good news


Sam:
oh, sweet, I was hoping for an upside


Chuck:
upside: you won't just die
you'll get to keep coming back with new chances to kill, kill, kill
but, ya know, more bad news, too


Sam:
jeez this is a real emotional rollercoaster
what's the bad news?


Chuck:
you're still probably gonna die
so, one option is, you just quit now
you just like, stop killing and go do some other shit


Sam:
so okay I agree that SOUNDS really intelligent but I'm kind of in the middle of the woods so...like...what else is there to do?


Chuck:
you could walk away and find a video arcade or maybe a fast food place
if you stay in the woods the kids are probably gonna nail you tho


Sam:
right, the last one will, you said
so, like, just between us?


Chuck:
sure go on total cone of silence


Sam:
like, totally hypothetically not doing it, but you said the LAST one would kill me
so like, so long as there's two left, I'm okay, right


Chuck:
I mean, maybe
the math sounds legit
is the mask demanding you kill them? like, real talk time


Sam:
not exactly?
so, like, I don't do what this thing tells me but I am agreeing with a lot of what it says


Chuck:
so maybe you and the mask just share a hobby
that's nice


Sam:
it's pretty good, actually. you know how when you meet someone and they're not friends YET but you can tell you're gonna be GOOD friends?


Chuck:
oh yeah it's just like, total sympatico!
where did you find the mask?


Sam:
in the woods on a nature hike
some crazy desiccated corpse was holding onto it, ringed by salt and bound with crucifixes


Chuck:
sure, I would've picked that up to, just for shits and giggles


Sam:
like I just wanted to do it for the STORY, you know? just to say I've done it
anyway, I put it on and a LOT of people started dying


Chuck:
yep, pretty classic case
so, I figure you can kill maybe two more but if you wanna be safe go with like, one


Sam:
all right yeah, cool
but hypothetically, if I killed, like, three, how bad would that be


Chuck:
welp
you'd PROBABLY die


Sam:
so here's the crazy thing
and, like, get ready because you're going to laugh when you hear this


Chuck:
go on


Sam:
I killed all three and thought "huh, that's weird, chuck said one of them would kill me"
but get this, just listen


Chuck:
uh oh


Sam:
this one I THOUGHT I killed way back at the beginning came back at the very end all beat up and bruised and looking for vengeance


Chuck:
see, that's a thing, yeah


Sam:
anyway this is kind of awkward because I'm trapped under a girder in a boathouse and all this gasoline is seeping in


Chuck:
oh
ohhhhhh
hey, so bad news


Sam:
oh boy
this isn't great, is it


Chuck:
you are on the way to your inevitable and ineluctable end
but!
good news, maybe


Sam:
oh, sweet sweet
hey if I log off it's because this broken, flaming lantern on the edge of the table fell off


Chuck:
okay, yeah, so, here's the good news
there's always a sequel


Sam:
sweet, sweet
so hey, thanks for talking to me about it, it really means a lot
I guess I'll see you in...two? three years?


Chuck:
see you when lightning strikes your dread grave, pal

[BackInTex]

This was taken from a Twitter convo between two writers. It may have been staged, but it's still funny.

Odds are it was, maybe 75-80% that it was staged.

[Beebs52]

This is perfect.