School thing, what do you do?

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TheCalvinator24 · #26 Post by **TheCalvinator24** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:23 pm

In my day, "N" stood for "Needs Improvement." The really, really bad kids got "U" for "Unsatisfactory."

I got "N"s for penmanship all the time.

a1mamacat · #27 Post by **a1mamacat** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 5:14 pm

N's today seem to stand for "Not Meeting Expectations"...at least that's what the paperwork says for the report cards.

Bixby17 · #28 Post by **Bixby17** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 8:57 pm

Thanks all for the thoughtful comments.

Today was another "red" behavior day. Oh dear. Green is normal. Orange is best and is going beyond what you need to. Yellow is caution. Red is you're in trouble, bud.

As he explained to me, he got a yellow starting out the day because he left his school supplies on his desk Friday afternoon. He told me at lunch he was going to do his best to improve it to a green. Well, he came home with a red because he used a bad tone of voice with the teacher. That's a new one.

She is very nice but she wants rules to have consequences for all in her class.

Punishment is a weird thing with Jackson because you can punish him all different ways, and he doesn't care other than just feeling bad about himself. He shuts down, gets withdrawn, and his behavior gets worse. If you punish him bad enough to get him to react, then he shuts down or starts lying about how his day went.

We are trying to get him to talk openly about what happens in his day, and to tell us the truth even if he thinks we will disapprove of what he did. He really has a hard time telling us about his day, but he has got better about it.

So today, as his punishment, he had to write an apology letter to the teacher with his best handwriting. He also went to our loquat tree that is blooming for the first time that we planted it, and picked some ripe loquats to give to her tomorrow. Then he dictated an essay that I typed about loquats so that the teacher would know more about them.

We are also working on a written list of things we are working on. Jackson likes lists and rules in writing.

We have both learned this March that loquats are juicy and delicious. We planted the trees at the time we re-did our driveway after I won on millionaire and created our garden patio. It takes 4 years for small loquat trees to have fruit on them.

I think we are going to plant more fruit trees in our yard.

PlacentiaSoccerMom · #29 Post by **PlacentiaSoccerMom** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 9:34 pm

I don't know how involved you are at the school, but I spent a lot of time at the girls' elementary school, getting to know the teachers. I have always requested teachers for my kids because my kids have quirky personalities. (We are not supposed to request, but I always do anyway.)

The teacher that was right for Maddie in 6th grade (she had a lot of structure and rules) wouldn't have been the right person for Emma (who who questions everything). It doesn't matter as much in Middle School or High School, because class lasts only an hour, but for little kids, I think that it's really important that their personalities mesh with teacher's personality.

Not all teachers appreciate gifted children. Not all teachers understand that gifted children may do well in school, but their social needs aren't necessarily the same as other children. Not all teachers appreciate the quirks. The key is finding a teacher who gets your child.

peacock2121 · #30 Post by **peacock2121** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:11 am

I am overwhelmed with feelings (I tried to identify them and failed) for you and for Jackson. I got your frustration and your commitment to doing what is best for Jackson.

Do you know a grown-up guy, or know someone who knows a grown-up guy, who was Jackson when he was his age? Someone who would watch Jackson for a day or two and say "Oh, goodness, that was me!"

If you can find one, maybe having that guy sit down and talk to Jackson about what went through his head when he was his age. About how he thought there was something wrong with him, or something wrong with them or whatever it is that the guy thought - it might give you some insight. It might give Jackson some freedom.

I also want to remind you that you turned out great - you are successful, have a great life, are full of zest and take on great fun things in life, your family adores you and you them, you graduated college, law school and passed the bar, you play a mean game of golf and you don't quit.

Why do I want you to remember that? You can see yourself in Jackson and you want his childhood to be better than yours - even if it is the same as yours - you turned out really great. You had some of the same issues and you turned out great. There might be some truth to the philosophy that the struggle is what builds your character. Maybe it is a good thing that Jackson is struggling. I know it is unbearable to watch sometimes.

Hugs and kisses.

Deaf Mini · #31 Post by **Deaf Mini** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:41 am

The school really doesn't want to listen to our ideas for accomodating him a bit in the meantime because they don't want to really listen to us until he is reduced to a label by a physician.

He gets mostly A's and Bs, but a N for conduct. More days than not, he gets a bad mark for conduct in class. It is wearing on him, his teacher and on us. It makes him upset, and he clearly he wants to please his teacher, he just doesn't always know how.

HA! I let them have the notes from Rain Man's doctor, who is as anti-label as I am, so they got no meat. He is classified as OHI (other health impairment) which is so vague it can cover arthritis, but gets him an IEP for social skills. He gets A's in everything but English (he got the awards for highest math and science averages on his team, and he is running a 100 average in Spanish this semester) but has brought home one N and two U's on his weekly folder for behavior because he won't let some arguments go.

He will be just fine, but I know the "No Surprises" route is the best way to go. Because they have to know way in advance what Plan B is in case something goes wrong with Plan A. Thinking on the fly is not Rain Man's strong suit.

ommax3 · #32 Post by **ommax3** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 1:26 pm

Good for you sitting with your child in the lunch room. I am appaled that any school adminstrator or teacher would humilate a child in public! I am a teacher, and a very strict one(the one the kids talk about...but in truth, admit by the end of the year is pretty ok). No child would deal with this stress in a positive way being singled out like this.

Stand up for your kid, you are doing the right thing...and if I was your child's teacher, I would be standing with you.

Mary Anne

MarleysGh0st · #33 Post by **MarleysGh0st** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 1:35 pm

Welcome to the Bored, Mary Anne! I saw your screen name listed among those browsing the forum and I was wondering who our newcomer was!

ommax3 wrote:married to Appa23, 3 great kids...him..well...

Yeah, we know.

#34 Post by **Bob78164** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:06 pm

Bixby17 wrote:I think this is the deal. I think he was just really hungry, and when he is really hungry, he gets completely nuts. Hard to talk to and reason with. If he is tired or if he is hungry, he gets really sensitive and and obstinent and can get really emotional.

He is completely charming when well rested and fed. And seems like a pretty regular funny kid. When he is hungry or tired, he is like a drunk person.

He tried to get the lunch lady to give him a bunch of chips and fruit, and they wouldn't give him just that. And then he dug in his heels. You can't talk to him, and it is like his brain shuts down. So the vice principal was called over.

We do get the lunch menu in advance and generally I have a good idea of what things he will or will not eat. Our problem today was that I thought he would eat the food when I checked the menu last night, but as we were about to run out the door, he mentioned what the food was and how he didn't like it. I told him to was too late to make lunch and that he had to make those decisions the night before. We've done that before, and he has eaten the lunch. But not today because he was really hungry...

As I mentioned before, we are waiting for our doctor appointment with a specialist to determine what the diagnosis is for why Jackson is a little different. In some ways, I think he is a lot more socially functioning than I was as a kid of the same age, it is just that more is expected of kids these days. The school really doesn't want to listen to our ideas for accomodating him a bit in the meantime because they don't want to really listen to us until he is reduced to a label by a physician.

He gets mostly A's and Bs, but a N for conduct. More days than not, he gets a bad mark for conduct in class. It is wearing on him, his teacher and on us. It makes him upset, and he clearly he wants to please his teacher, he just doesn't always know how.

This sounds exactly like The Little Guy. He's a sweetheart and a charmer, but under stress he becomes an ogre. Ms. 63 and I are finding it a lot of work to deal with, as is the school district.

We have a diagnosis of Asperger's for him, and he just started receiving full-time behavioral support in school. But I'll be very interested in any insight you have to share. --Bob

Bixby17 · #35 Post by **Bixby17** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:29 pm

peacock2121 wrote:I am overwhelmed with feelings (I tried to identify them and failed) for you and for Jackson. I got your frustration and your commitment to doing what is best for Jackson.

Do you know a grown-up guy, or know someone who knows a grown-up guy, who was Jackson when he was his age? Someone who would watch Jackson for a day or two and say "Oh, goodness, that was me!"

If you can find one, maybe having that guy sit down and talk to Jackson about what went through his head when he was his age. About how he thought there was something wrong with him, or something wrong with them or whatever it is that the guy thought - it might give you some insight. It might give Jackson some freedom.

I also want to remind you that you turned out great - you are successful, have a great life, are full of zest and take on great fun things in life, your family adores you and you them, you graduated college, law school and passed the bar, you play a mean game of golf and you don't quit.

Why do I want you to remember that? You can see yourself in Jackson and you want his childhood to be better than yours - even if it is the same as yours - you turned out really great. You had some of the same issues and you turned out great. There might be some truth to the philosophy that the struggle is what builds your character. Maybe it is a good thing that Jackson is struggling. I know it is unbearable to watch sometimes.

Hugs and kisses.

Thanks everyone.

Yeah, my childhood was pretty awful, but at the time, I just chalked it up to not having older siblings and having to move every couple of years because my dad was in the military. But it was more than that.

And I know that I am not my son. He is his own different guy.

The pep talk you are giving me is one that I give my husband all the time. Social things are very easy for him (and for JJ), and his pet peeve is people who are ill-mannered. So it kills him when he sees Jackson behaving poorly and grieves at the difficulties he is going to have if he can't keep it together in front of his peers.

And I share some of my experiences and my perceptions I had as a kid with the spouse, because I have very vivid memories of how it was, and just keep telling him that our role is to create a stable, supportive environment for him where we try to find ways of making him feel good about himself in a world that tends to focus on the things that we do poorly.

I'll be sure to keep y'all informed when we find out stuff.