I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots

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tlynn78 · #1 Post by **tlynn78** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:21 pm

So, I'm working on a transcript of a criminal trial. First, defense counsel tells the jury that point one gram of meth was found in his client's vehicle. To 'demonstrate' the size of the amount found, he says "Say a little sugar packet at the restaurant is one full gram. To match POINT ONE gram, you would have to divide that packet into one hundred parts, and what was found was one of those one hundred parts." Um, no. I giggle, and move on. A police officer is testifying and is asked how often a good fingerprint is lifted off a baggie. He replies "I'd say ten percent of the time." State's counsel asks, "So, out of thousands of cases, a thousand cases, or what?" PO says, "Oh, I'd say one out of a hundred." Riiight. That's ten percent all right. I lol.
Now I'm working on the defendant's testimony. Is anyone surprised the defense counsel was dumb enough to let his client testify? So far: "Officer (X) and I get along fine every time he's arrested me." and "I’m always cooperative like that when I’m getting pulled over." Yes, sir, he's a fine, upstanding meth-head.

lol

silvercamaro · #2 Post by **silvercamaro** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:26 pm

It's not fair to confuse the jury with, like, math and science and stuff.

kayrharris · #3 Post by **kayrharris** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 9:08 pm

My son in law is an attorney and he keeps us entertained with stories "from the courtroom".

tlynn78 · #4 Post by **tlynn78** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 9:23 pm

My son in law is an attorney and he keeps us entertained with stories "from the courtroom".

Sometimes stupid humor is the best.

t.

tlynn78 · #5 Post by **tlynn78** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:26 pm

More:

After having testified how he always is 100% cooperative when pulled over by police, the Defendant is asked:

Q. Now when Officer (x) gives you an order and you don’t comply, what generally happens?
A. He’ll pull a gun, but I don’t think, I don’t believe – they won’t shoot. They didn’t shoot me last time I ran. Or the time before that.

<and just to make sure the jury got that:

Q. Huh?
A. They didn’t shoot me last time I ran.

lol - is there a facility for the criminally stupid??

MarleysGh0st · #6 Post by **MarleysGh0st** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 6:19 am

tlynn78 wrote: Q. Huh?
A. They didn’t shoot me last time I ran.

Well, sure!

If Officer (x) shot him, they wouldn't be getting along fine any more!

themanintheseersuckersuit · #7 Post by **themanintheseersuckersuit** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:26 am

This week was the first time I ever had a Judge order the courtroom security to carry my "client" out of the courtroom. I was defending an underinsured motorist, so she wasn't actually my client. During cross examination by the attorney for the co-defendant my client began an emotional outburst and wouldn't or couldn't stop. The judge sent the jury out and had her carried out of the courtroom. She was able to regain her composure and we continued with the case. We lost, which was no surprise to any one.

#8 Post by **eyégor** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:46 am

So, given all the fine minds involved, did the jury find him guilty of Kidnapping? Or maybe violating the leash law.

Sounds like the cross of a 'victim' in a Burglary trial I once worked

Defense Attorney: So, you say you saw the victim through the window of your apartment?

Victim: Yes

DA: Were any lights on in the apartment?

V: no

DA: How far away from your house were you?

v: About half a block. We were coming back from Stewart's

DA: And what time was this?

V: Oh, around 8:30

DA: And the date?

V: November 28th

and a little later

DA: Where was your boyfriend at the time?

V: Hudson Correctional

DA: That's a prison, right?

V: Yes. He was transfered there because it is close to here, and he was getting paroled the first week of December.

DA: He wasn't happy his stuff was missing, I bet.

V: Boy, was he pissed!

and later still

DA So, Miss _____, have you ever done drugs?

V: With my boyfriend, yeah.

DA: Do you now?

V: No, I quit right before he got out.

Gee, I wonder what really happened? BTW, the defendent was a habitual criminal, so he must have done it, right?

minimetoo26 · #9 Post by **minimetoo26** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:57 am

You are. But we're harmless!

Jeemie · #10 Post by **Jeemie** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:21 am

tlynn78 wrote:lol - is there a facility for the criminally stupid??

I think it's called Congress.

#11 Post by **littlebeast13** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:21 am

minimetoo26 wrote:You are. But we're harmless!

Depends on who you ask....

lb13

peacock2121 · #12 Post by **peacock2121** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:45 am

tlynn78 wrote:So, I'm working on a transcript of a criminal trial. First, defense counsel tells the jury that point one gram of meth was found in his client's vehicle. To 'demonstrate' the size of the amount found, he says "Say a little sugar packet at the restaurant is one full gram. To match POINT ONE gram, you would have to divide that packet into one hundred parts, and what was found was one of those one hundred parts." Um, no. I giggle, and move on. A police officer is testifying and is asked how often a good fingerprint is lifted off a baggie. He replies "I'd say ten percent of the time." State's counsel asks, "So, out of thousands of cases, a thousand cases, or what?" PO says, "Oh, I'd say one out of a hundred." Riiight. That's ten percent all right. I lol.
Now I'm working on the defendant's testimony. Is anyone surprised the defense counsel was dumb enough to let his client testify? So far: "Officer (X) and I get along fine every time he's arrested me." and "I’m always cooperative like that when I’m getting pulled over." Yes, sir, he's a fine, upstanding meth-head.

lol

You are surrounded by idiots.

peacock2121 · #13 Post by **peacock2121** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:46 am

tlynn78 wrote:More:

After having testified how he always is 100% cooperative when pulled over by police, the Defendant is asked:

Q. Now when Officer (x) gives you an order and you don’t comply, what generally happens?
A. He’ll pull a gun, but I don’t think, I don’t believe – they won’t shoot. They didn’t shoot me last time I ran. Or the time before that.

<and just to make sure the jury got that:

Q. Huh?
A. They didn’t shoot me last time I ran.

lol - is there a facility for the criminally stupid??

If some cop show had writing like this I would be left thinking that the writers strike was still on and some high schooler was doing the writing!

peacock2121 · #14 Post by **peacock2121** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:49 am

themanintheseersuckersuit wrote:This week was the first time I ever had a Judge order the courtroom security to carry my "client" out of the courtroom. I was defending an underinsured motorist, so she wasn't actually my client. During cross examination by the attorney for the co-defendant my client began an emotional outburst and wouldn't or couldn't stop. The judge sent the jury out and had her carried out of the courtroom. She was able to regain her composure and we continued with the case. We lost, which was no surprise to any one.

The picture in my head was not pretty. I tried to make a picture that was close to acceptable and I couldn't.

In every picture I saw her panties.

I need help.

themanintheseersuckersuit · #15 Post by **themanintheseersuckersuit** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:53 am

peacock2121 wrote:
themanintheseersuckersuit wrote:This week was the first time I ever had a Judge order the courtroom security to carry my "client" out of the courtroom. I was defending an underinsured motorist, so she wasn't actually my client. During cross examination by the attorney for the co-defendant my client began an emotional outburst and wouldn't or couldn't stop. The judge sent the jury out and had her carried out of the courtroom. She was able to regain her composure and we continued with the case. We lost, which was no surprise to any one.
The picture in my head was not pretty. I tried to make a picture that was close to acceptable and I couldn't.

In every picture I saw her panties.

I need help.

Good news, she was actually stylishly dressed with a skirt that came to her ankles.

tlynn78 · #16 Post by **tlynn78** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:07 am

I'm almost finished - thank goodness, I think I've nearly od'd on stupid. When State's counsel, in response to Defendant's claim of 100% cooperation'every time' he's pulled over, points out that his next case before the Judge is the one where he ran from officers when removed from his vehicle, he backsteps: "Well, 90% of the time, I cooperate. It's just if I have marijuana in my car, then I will run." Um, yes, he was found guilty of possession. However, he missed the pronouncement of the verdict, as he elected not to return from a smoke break and was arrested a month later for bail-jumping.

Oy
t.

peacock2121 · #17 Post by **peacock2121** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:10 am

themanintheseersuckersuit wrote:
peacock2121 wrote:
themanintheseersuckersuit wrote:This week was the first time I ever had a Judge order the courtroom security to carry my "client" out of the courtroom. I was defending an underinsured motorist, so she wasn't actually my client. During cross examination by the attorney for the co-defendant my client began an emotional outburst and wouldn't or couldn't stop. The judge sent the jury out and had her carried out of the courtroom. She was able to regain her composure and we continued with the case. We lost, which was no surprise to any one.
The picture in my head was not pretty. I tried to make a picture that was close to acceptable and I couldn't.

In every picture I saw her panties.

I need help.
Good news, she was actually stylishly dressed with a skirt that came to her ankles.

Good to know that whack jobs can dress stylishly.

mrkelley23 · #18 Post by **mrkelley23** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:10 am

Stuff like this makes me despair. Nature used to be able to weed out these types. Now we protect them and enable them. Bleah. Almost makes the Communist Re-education Centers seem palatable.

peacock2121 · #19 Post by **peacock2121** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:10 am

tlynn78 wrote:I'm almost finished - thank goodness, I think I've nearly od'd on stupid. When State's counsel, in response to Defendant's claim of 100% cooperation'every time' he's pulled over, points out that his next case before the Judge is the one where he ran from officers when removed from his vehicle, he backsteps: "Well, 90% of the time, I cooperate. It's just if I have marijuana in my car, then I will run." Um, yes, he was found guilty of possession. However, he missed the pronouncement of the verdict, as he elected not to return from a smoke break and was arrested a month later for bail-jumping.

Oy
t.

LOL

Oy really fits here.

Says most all that needs to be said.

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I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots

I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots

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