That's why I think Evil Squirrel should send me a valentine. I don't want a mushy one, like the one he made for Miss Sportsfan, but it would be nice if he threw a piece of paper in my direction for once, instead of one of those heavier objects he likes to heave at me. If ES needs more reasons, here are a few more:
1. I have chased him 9,378 times, but I've never bitten him, not even once.
2. By telling the Bored about ES by name, I have given him copious amounts of publicity, which has made him famous to many two-footers, most of whom have become acquainted with and appreciative of his art (if not his pitiful, needy and incessant requests for scritches.)
3. I have helped him learn more about physics. It's not my fault if he's not a good student.
4. After ice storms repeatedly brought down his house into my yard, I have deconstructed his nests scientifically and carefully to record his construction techniques and taste in interior design for posterity. I left his duct tape in the yard, so he could reclaim it and rehang his curtains as he wished, even though I offered constructive suggestions for more attractive decor.
5. I have sung arias from my opera to him on several occasions, giving him the first previews of Guinefort, a superb work about the dog who became a saint.
6. I am his oldest four-footed friend. I suspect I am his only four-footed friend. I do not count those red squirrel girls who come and go.
7. I wished him a Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day. Today I left a lovely Valentine's hickory nut and a pecan for him by the fence. He should be nice to his nice neighbors. That's the kind of girl I am.
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