Funny for today

[Sir_Galahad]

My Canadian friends will understand...

An American couple is standing in an airport terminal somewhere in the States, waiting for their luggage. The wife happens to notice an oddly dressed man also waiting. She asks her husband where he thinks the man is from.

The husband says he doesn't know. He decides to ask the man and approaches him.

' Where are you from? ' he asks the man.

' Saskatoon, Saskatchewan ' he replies.

Puzzled, the husband returns to his wife. ' Well, where is he from? ' asks the wife.

' I don't know ' replies the husband. 'He doesn't speak English. '

[MarleysGh0st]

Are you saying men from Saskatoon dress oddly?

[macrae1234]

This is an excerpt from a real life radio communication taken from the records of the USS Carrier Missouri. Apparently it was on a collision course when this happened....

American: This is the USS Missouri. Please turn your ship 10 degrees south to avoid a collision.

Canadian: I am sorry but we cannot comply. Please turn YOUR ship 10 degrees north to avoid a collision.

American: I repeat, we are on a collision course with you. Turn your ship 10 degrees south immediately.

Canadian: I repeat, we cannot comply. Turn YOUR ship 10 degrees north.

American: THIS IS THE US NAVY CARRIER MISSOURI AND I AM THE CAPTAIN. TURN YOUR SHIP SOUTH RIGHT NOW!

Canadian: This is the lighthouse. Your call.

[macrae1234]

Bob McKenzie is walking down the street with a case of beer under each arm. His brother Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the extry case of beer fur?"
"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."

[TheConfessor]

This is an excerpt from a real life radio communication taken from the records of the USS Carrier Missouri. Apparently it was on a collision course when this happened....

American: This is the USS Missouri. Please turn your ship 10 degrees south to avoid a collision.

Canadian: I am sorry but we cannot comply. Please turn YOUR ship 10 degrees north to avoid a collision.

American: I repeat, we are on a collision course with you. Turn your ship 10 degrees south immediately.

Canadian: I repeat, we cannot comply. Turn YOUR ship 10 degrees north.

American: THIS IS THE US NAVY CARRIER MISSOURI AND I AM THE CAPTAIN. TURN YOUR SHIP SOUTH RIGHT NOW!

Canadian: This is the lighthouse. Your call.

Snopes says this is false, even though the details of the story have mutated over the years.
http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp

[ne1410s]

USS Missouri was a battleship not a carrier. BTW

[macrae1234]

Lighten up people it was a joke.

Like

A seal walks into a bar, sits down, and says, "Bartender, give me a drink!"
The bartender says, "Sure, what'll ya have?"
The seal replies, "Anything but a Canadian Club!"

[TheConfessor]

USS Missouri was a battleship not a carrier. BTW

It still is, at least as it exists today as a museum in Pearl Harbor.
http://www.ussmissouri.com/

[a1mamacat]

Lighten up people it was a joke.

Like

A seal walks into a bar, sits down, and says, "Bartender, give me a drink!"
The bartender says, "Sure, what'll ya have?"
The seal replies, "Anything but a Canadian Club!"

[Bob Juch]

A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar...

Spoiler

The bartender says to them, "What, you guys again?"

[macrae1234]

The new USS Missouri

A new USS Missouri a Virginia Class atack submarine is scheduled to be commissioned in 2011.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virginia_class_submarine

A fitting rebirth for MIGHTY MO

[DaveSenior72]

This is an excerpt from a real life radio communication taken from the records of the USS Carrier Missouri. Apparently it was on a collision course when this happened....

American: This is the USS Missouri. Please turn your ship 10 degrees south to avoid a collision.

Canadian: I am sorry but we cannot comply. Please turn YOUR ship 10 degrees north to avoid a collision.

American: I repeat, we are on a collision course with you. Turn your ship 10 degrees south immediately.

Canadian: I repeat, we cannot comply. Turn YOUR ship 10 degrees north.

American: THIS IS THE US NAVY CARRIER MISSOURI AND I AM THE CAPTAIN. TURN YOUR SHIP SOUTH RIGHT NOW!

Canadian: This is the lighthouse. Your call.

I've seen various versions of this around since before I was in the Navy.

The carriers I've seen have been the Enterprise, the Kitty Hawk, the John F. Kennedy, the Nimitz, the John C. Stennis...hell, just about all of 'em.

Usually the lighthouse is said to be in Nova Scotia...which makes it funny when the carrier included is a Pacific Fleet ship

[tanstaafl2]

USS Missouri was a battleship not a carrier. BTW

It still is, at least as it exists today as a museum in Pearl Harbor.
http://www.ussmissouri.com/

The Missouri was stricken from the fleet and donated as a museum about 10 years ago and as noted is moored in Pearl Harbor a couple of slips up from the Arizona Memorial, which still bleeds into the harbor as she has for more than 67 years now. As she has been decommissioned it is no longer accurate to refer to her as the "USS Missouri" although that is certainly still common. I visited them both over the holidays.

There was a prior battleship Missouri and before that a side wheeler wooden frigate named Missouri.

As battleships are no longer practical or being built the convention of using state names has been passed to attack and ballistic missle subs. There is currently a new Missouri under construction that will be a nuclear powered attack submarine of the Virginia class and once commissioned will be the newest USS Missouri.

http://www.nvr.navy.mil/nvrships/details/SSN780.htm

US carriers have never been named for states.

And yes, I know it was a joke!

[BackInTex]

A blind guy walks into a bar and say "Ouch!"

[peacock2121]

Lighten up people it was a joke.

Like

A seal walks into a bar, sits down, and says, "Bartender, give me a drink!"
The bartender says, "Sure, what'll ya have?"
The seal replies, "Anything but a Canadian Club!"

MAC telling people to lighten up!

so cute.

[macrae1234]

MAC telling people to lighten up!

Miss Pea I highly represent that!!!

[VAdame]

Did you hear about the pole who walked into a bar and became a little cross?

(If you don't get it, try visualizing! )

And the neutron walked in and ordered a beer. The bartender served him and the neutron asked how much? Bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"