Joke of the Day

[Bob Juch]

[Bob Juch]

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over, and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'

Spoiler

To which he responded, 'I found the remote.'

[Bob Juch]

[Vandal]

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[Bob Juch]

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[Bob Juch]

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[Vandal]

[Bob Juch]

[Bob Juch]

I just got back from shopping and I have to share this! I found myself behind a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He had his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The granddad was saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, William, we won’t be long . . . easy boy.”

Another outburst and I heard the granddad calmly say, “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”

At the checkout the little horror was throwing items out of the shopping cart and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.”

Well, I was really impressed, so I went outside to where the grandfather was loading his groceries and the boy into the car. I said to the Grandad, “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it! That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his granddad.”

“Thanks,” said the Granddad, “But I’m William. That little sh*t’s name is Kevin.”

[Bob Juch]

A blonde stole a police car and was soon caught and arrested. Taken to the police station for questioning, she was asked why she had taken the car.

”I always wanted a Porsche.” she exclaimed.

“That’s not a Porsche; it’s a Crown Victoria,” said the detective.

”No, it’s a Porsche!” insisted the blonde, “It’s got 911 written all over it!”

[Vandal]

[Bob Juch]

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[Bob Juch]

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[Beebs52]

So bad. Funny, but groaner.

[Beebs52]

Even worse, but still funny.

[Vandal]

[Bob Juch]

[Bob Juch]

[themanintheseersuckersuit]

https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/45 ... 29ae0d.jpg

[Vandal]