Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

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secondchance
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Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#1 Post by secondchance » Sun Oct 16, 2011 2:38 am

So I'm trying to come up with a Farewell/Good Luck Gag-Gift for a, um, Rectal Surgeon we know. He recently shared the news that they're picking up & moving away next month, transferring his practice to Hawaii! Selfish bastards! But anywaaay

I'm seeking ideas for something humorous relating to his area of 'expertise' - and of course, hilarity could ensue with some sort of Hawaiian correlation to boot!

For some reason the word Poi keeps coming to mind. Tho I have yet to connect those dots...

Aaaand here's where I'm hopin there's a few o' you bb's who will be coming, um, down the pike with some far superior chuckle~inducing ideas from what I'd possibly be capable.

So? Any takers? ok, givers? Hey, you know anything that makes me spew the monitor will immediately make the list.. Also something absurd for a card, to cajole hearty chuckles, would be perfectly welcomed as well... and c'mon, now, who here doesn't love a challenge? and you know who you are....

(Oh- and NO, Kitty Sandwich, your submissions have not been requested nor will they be considered). Too "inside."


~Prizes for winning ideas will be awarded during a glamorous timeshare presentation held sometime within the decade. Location tba. Though I heard Granite City and East St. Louis are currently vying neck and neck as frontrunner Illinois hosts~.

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#2 Post by melleon » Sun Oct 16, 2011 3:57 am

A fake Hawaii license plate with "ASSMAN" ala Cosmo Kramer?

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#3 Post by Estonut » Sun Oct 16, 2011 4:24 am

A pineapple, a corer and a pack of inspection gloves.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#4 Post by Chronic Diarrhea » Sun Oct 16, 2011 6:36 am

secondchance wrote:(Oh- and NO, Kitty Sandwich, your submissions have not been requested nor will they be considered). Too "inside.".

Whew! I haven't been excluded!

I have plenty of time to sit here and think about it. Assuming I don't poop all my brains out........ OOOOOOohhhhhhhhhhh...........

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#5 Post by jaybee » Sun Oct 16, 2011 7:33 am

Estonut wrote:A pineapple, a corer and a pack of inspection gloves.
I was expecting this to finish with, "walk into a bar"
Jaybee

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#6 Post by christie1111 » Sun Oct 16, 2011 8:50 am

I have reached out to the Hawai'ian ohana to find out if they have any okole jokes

okole (`okole)
(oh koh lay)

Definition: Hawaiian word for the gluteus maximus region
Used In A Sentence: Hoo, dat wahine get one sweet `okole!
In English?: That attractive woman must work out.
A nicer translation than I would have guessed!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I will let you know if I get a response.

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#7 Post by ulysses5019 » Sun Oct 16, 2011 9:07 am

secondchance wrote:So I'm trying to come up with a Farewell/Good Luck Gag-Gift for a, um, Rectal Surgeon we know. He recently shared the news that they're picking up & moving away next month, transferring his practice to Hawaii! Selfish bastards! But anywaaay

I'm seeking ideas for something humorous relating to his area of 'expertise' - and of course, hilarity could ensue with some sort of Hawaiian correlation to boot!

For some reason the word Poi keeps coming to mind. Tho I have yet to connect those dots...

Aaaand here's where I'm hopin there's a few o' you bb's who will be coming, um, down the pike with some far superior chuckle~inducing ideas from what I'd possibly be capable.

So? Any takers? ok, givers? Hey, you know anything that makes me spew the monitor will immediately make the list.. Also something absurd for a card, to cajole hearty chuckles, would be perfectly welcomed as well... and c'mon, now, who here doesn't love a challenge? and you know who you are....

(Oh- and NO, Kitty Sandwich, your submissions have not been requested nor will they be considered). Too "inside."


~Prizes for winning ideas will be awarded during a glamorous timeshare presentation held sometime within the decade. Location tba. Though I heard Granite City and East St. Louis are currently vying neck and neck as frontrunner Illinois hosts~.

I'll let you know if I think of anything...
I believe in the usefulness of useless information.

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggesti

#8 Post by Bob78164 » Sun Oct 16, 2011 9:14 am

ulysses5019 wrote:
secondchance wrote:So I'm trying to come up with a Farewell/Good Luck Gag-Gift for a, um, Rectal Surgeon we know. He recently shared the news that they're picking up & moving away next month, transferring his practice to Hawaii! Selfish bastards! But anywaaay

I'm seeking ideas for something humorous relating to his area of 'expertise' - and of course, hilarity could ensue with some sort of Hawaiian correlation to boot!

For some reason the word Poi keeps coming to mind. Tho I have yet to connect those dots...

Aaaand here's where I'm hopin there's a few o' you bb's who will be coming, um, down the pike with some far superior chuckle~inducing ideas from what I'd possibly be capable.

So? Any takers? ok, givers? Hey, you know anything that makes me spew the monitor will immediately make the list.. Also something absurd for a card, to cajole hearty chuckles, would be perfectly welcomed as well... and c'mon, now, who here doesn't love a challenge? and you know who you are....

(Oh- and NO, Kitty Sandwich, your submissions have not been requested nor will they be considered). Too "inside."


~Prizes for winning ideas will be awarded during a glamorous timeshare presentation held sometime within the decade. Location tba. Though I heard Granite City and East St. Louis are currently vying neck and neck as frontrunner Illinois hosts~.

I'll let you know if I think of anything...
Found it! --Bob
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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#9 Post by Donair King » Sun Oct 16, 2011 10:12 am

How about a close up of my ASS?

Or maybe you'd like that better, sweetie?

Screw him!

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#10 Post by minimaitai26 » Sun Oct 16, 2011 10:27 am

You need to plan the Pupu Party!

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#11 Post by littlebeast13 » Sun Oct 16, 2011 10:38 am

From 6/7/05:
MBFFB® wrote:$2000 Sometimes served at Asian restaurants, a pu pu platter usually offers a wide assortment of what?
A. Appetizers B. Desserts
C. Teas D. Soups


If I go to a restaurant, and there's something on the menu called a "Pu Pu Platter", I will not be eating at that restaurant that night, or any other night, ever.

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#12 Post by Vague Mini » Sun Oct 16, 2011 10:43 am

littlebeast13 wrote:From 6/7/05:
MBFFB® wrote:$2000 Sometimes served at Asian restaurants, a pu pu platter usually offers a wide assortment of what?
A. Appetizers B. Desserts
C. Teas D. Soups


If I go to a restaurant, and there's something on the menu called a "Pu Pu Platter", I will not be eating at that restaurant that night, or any other night, ever.

lb13
It's not like they're inviting your sorry ass anyway, bub.... :P :P :P
Huh? What?

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#13 Post by littlebeast13 » Sun Oct 16, 2011 10:45 am

Damn, I miss MBFFB®.....

6/6/05 - 6/7/05

Ben Hand
Once knocked himself out by walking into a wall.


If this is the kind of thing you have to accomplish in your life to get on this show, I would never want to be in any way, shape, or form associated with it. Hey Ben, you're not someone interesting enough for TPTB to think we should care.... you're a damn klutz!!!!!


$100 According to the title of a well-known spiritual, "He's Got the Whole World in His" what?
A. Hands
B. Smile
C. Sights
D. Blackberry

$200 "Betsy" is a common nickname for which of these women's names?
A. Sabrina
B. Marianne
C. Elizabeth
D. Abigail

$300 Concealer is common type of cosmetic that is most often used to conceal which of the following?
A. Gray hair
B. Facial blemishes
C. Love handles
D. Cavities

$500 "Punch Buggy" is a common road trip game in which players attempt to spot what type of car?
A. Honda Accord
B. Ford Taurus
C. Toyota Corolla
D. Volkswagen Beetle

ATA/AOL
2% - 4% A. Honda Accord
1% - 0% B. Ford Taurus
1% - 1% C. Toyota Corolla
96% - 95% D. Volkswagen Beetle


Maybe you threw the contestant because it's called "Slug Bug" by those of us who aren't stupid enough to actually play it. And I get a sense of deja vu with this question for some reason...


$1K Known for his offbeat sense of humor, reality show star Ty Pennington is a guru in what field?
A. Carpentry
B. Fashion
C. Plastic surgery
D. Car repair

50/50 leaves A. Carpentry and D. Car repair.


Damn, crappy baseball player wasn't left as one of the choices. Oh, wait. I thought they were talking about Ty Wigginton.

PAF Kurt ask Ben to repeat the question.
Kurt then repeats the answers and asks what was the man's name.
Kurt runs out of time.


See what happens to your mind when you walk into too many walls in your life? You turn into a bumbling idiot. I say the walls weren't hard enough, and you weren't moving at a fast enough speed, like, maybe 100 mph...


2000- Which Amendment to the US Constitution forbids laws "abridging the freedom of speech"?
A. First B. Second
C. Third D. Fourth


That's a pretty heavy question for someone who burned all their lifelines in the first 5 questions. But I guess they were bound to hit something he knew sooner or later. Thank goodness for the First Amendment, which gives me the right to call you an imbecile!

$4000- In 1939, T.S. Eliot penned the famous poem collection "Old Possum's Book of Practical" what?
A. Tots B. Ghouls
C. Birds D. Cats


Alright, out of lifelines, he's now guessing his way up the stack. Fair enough... the odds should start to go against him right about.....



$8000- Which of these 2004 movies is set in the earliest time period?
A. King Arthur B. Troy
C. Alexander D. The Passion of the Christ

Ben's guess was C, he won $1,000


It doesn't really take a history major to be able to place the events these movies chronicled in their appropriate time period. It does, however, take more than some dumbass who has a tendency to crash into walls to do halfway decent at this game.

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#14 Post by littlebeast13 » Sun Oct 16, 2011 10:51 am

Vague Mini wrote:
littlebeast13 wrote:From 6/7/05:
MBFFB® wrote:$2000 Sometimes served at Asian restaurants, a pu pu platter usually offers a wide assortment of what?
A. Appetizers B. Desserts
C. Teas D. Soups


If I go to a restaurant, and there's something on the menu called a "Pu Pu Platter", I will not be eating at that restaurant that night, or any other night, ever.

lb13
It's not like they're inviting your sorry ass anyway, bub.... :P :P :P

Then Holly is not hosting the awards presentation at my ditchfront timeshare..... :P :P :P

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#15 Post by BackInTex » Sun Oct 16, 2011 3:22 pm

Maybe something about him moving to the state with the Earth's hemorrhoids (I.e. Volcanoes)
In the end, they will all pretty much taste the same.

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#16 Post by SportsFan68 » Sun Oct 16, 2011 3:25 pm

$1K Known for his offbeat sense of humor, reality show star Ty Pennington is a guru in what field?
A. Carpentry
B. Fashion
C. Plastic surgery
D. Car repair

50/50 leaves A. Carpentry and D. Car repair.

Damn, crappy baseball player wasn't left as one of the choices. Oh, wait. I thought they were talking about Ty Wigginton.
Hey! Quit blasting my Rockies!

Although, I guess he won't be a Rockies player much longer...
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-- America would be a better place if leaders would do more long-term thinking. -- Wilma Mankiller

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#17 Post by themanwho » Sun Oct 16, 2011 3:37 pm

Get him a model of the Starship Enterprise. On the card write, "May you continue to boldly go where no man has gone before."
"I will win BIG on a game show this coming year!" - since gsabc isn't using it any more.

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#18 Post by Estonut » Sun Oct 16, 2011 5:17 pm

SportsFan68 wrote:
$1K Known for his offbeat sense of humor, reality show star Ty Pennington is a guru in what field?
A. Carpentry
B. Fashion
C. Plastic surgery
D. Car repair

50/50 leaves A. Carpentry and D. Car repair.

Damn, crappy baseball player wasn't left as one of the choices. Oh, wait. I thought they were talking about Ty Wigginton.
Hey! Quit blasting my Rockies!

Although, I guess he won't be a Rockies player much longer...
I don't get what this has to do with Hawaii or butt doctors. :lol:
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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#19 Post by Queen Fantine VIII » Sun Oct 16, 2011 6:06 pm

This isn't really a suggestion because it's rather immature and not that funny, but I can't believe that you, as a fellow DD'er, never pulled the 'stale chocolate twist that has been cured in the ice box in the Christmas stocking' gag....

Fun for the whole family!
Exeunt Regina......

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#20 Post by Queen Fantine VIII » Sun Oct 16, 2011 6:07 pm

Estonut wrote:
SportsFan68 wrote:
$1K Known for his offbeat sense of humor, reality show star Ty Pennington is a guru in what field?
A. Carpentry
B. Fashion
C. Plastic surgery
D. Car repair

50/50 leaves A. Carpentry and D. Car repair.

Damn, crappy baseball player wasn't left as one of the choices. Oh, wait. I thought they were talking about Ty Wigginton.
Hey! Quit blasting my Rockies!

Although, I guess he won't be a Rockies player much longer...
I don't get what this has to do with Hawaii or butt doctors. :lol:
If he got signed by Pittsburgh, he could be a butt Pirate.

SHAZAM!!!!!1 Ontopicosity.....
Exeunt Regina......

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#21 Post by secondchance » Tue Oct 18, 2011 1:07 am

These were ALL most excellent ideas, you lovely (minus 2 mm) bb's! I thank you! Got some major chucklage and snortlage out of them. Now~ just need to whittle and implement. The ASSMAN Hawaiian plate and the PuPu Party Planner Book were my faves, I must admit. But obtaining either appears challenging. And the MBFFB flashback alone was worth the hole thread! **hole..hehe** And while the brilliant stale D'D' Chocolate twist routine has actually never been a family hollyday tradition in the past... there's no damn good reason it can't start this year! :mrgreen:
While I don't know yet where in Hawaii he's moving, appreciated the translations Christie.
Oh, and I found a greeting card today, with some goofy character the front saying, "Thank you from the bottom of my BUTT!" and inside it says, "cuz it's much bigger than my heart." snort. And all I have to do now is come up with some creative reason for which he's being thanked! :lol: ...that'll be easy tho, actually.

Holy Crap! I just had a scathingly brilliant idea! What about a CD of the Butthole Surfers?!? I don't even know who they are, have only heard their ridiculous name before... Could there be any chance in hell they have cover art of actual surfing? In Hawaii perhaps!?! ...yeah, right. Off to the land of Google! :) *Update: Nope. But wow, they do have some insane artwork! The Hairway to Steven album would have been perfect. If his name was Steven. Details... sigh

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#22 Post by littlebeast13 » Tue Oct 18, 2011 6:26 am

secondchance wrote:These were ALL most excellent ideas, you lovely (minus 2 mm) bb's! I thank you! Got some major chucklage and snortlage out of them. Now~ just need to whittle and implement. The ASSMAN Hawaiian plate and the PuPu Party Planner Book were my faves, I must admit. But obtaining either appears challenging.

Well, I hope Erin likes her pupu.....

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Re: Non-Desperately Seeking Gag-Gift Idea Suggestions :)

#23 Post by MarleysGh0st » Tue Oct 18, 2011 7:35 am

secondchance wrote:The ASSMAN Hawaiian plate and the PuPu Party Planner Book were my faves, I must admit. But obtaining either appears challenging.
Maybe a contact high up in the Honolulu Police Department might be able to help.



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