How Many Human Resources People Does it Take...

[wintergreen48]

I've mentioned some of the trials and tribulations of having been laid off, I mean, of being a Member of a Work Cluster which has been terminated. The taunting I whined about continues: I reported before that, even though people who are members of terminated Work Clusters lose all of their unvested stock options, during February and January I received e-mail notices telling me that I had stock option awards that would vest in March; well, over the past two weeks I have received e-mails telling me that these options have in fact vested, and my stock account also has a notation that these awards have, in fact vested... but the cash value of the vested options is -0-.

Well. Other than the taunting, they have been treating me pretty well. I have an outplacement consultant who is working with me to help me find a new Work Cluster somewhere, and she is very energetic on my behalf; she looks like Gillian Anderson, the X-Files chick, except that she smiles, and I am thinking that Gillian has made her own career change, I guess the movie-and-TV thing hasn't worked out as well as she would have liked.

My (former) manager, on the other hand...

When my (former) manager met with the outplacement people, she was told that she would have outplacement benefits for one month; she argued with them (she is good at that), and they backed down and agreed to give her six months. On the other hand, when I met with Gillian for the first time, I asked her how long we would be working together, and I was told right off that it would be for six months (unless I found something sooner). No arguing needed at all.

When Capital One terminated our Work Cluster, we were told that we would receive our annual cash bonuses at the same time as everyone else, because we 'earned' our bonuses while we were still employed (bonuses are paid based upon work done during 2007; our Work Cluster was not terminated until 2/1/08); we were also told that the reason we would not get our unvested stock options was because, under the terms of the original grants, you actually have to be employed on the day of vesting, and since we were not employed on the vesting dates, we would lose them (not a huge deal, as it happens, insofar as our stock is in the dumper right now-- for the first time EVER, the stock price at vesting is lower than it was on the date of the grant, so the actual value of vested options is not significant).

Well again. Capital One paid out bonuses this past week, and I got mine, which of course is all that matters to me, but my former manager did not get hers, which matters a great deal to her. She checked in with the HR people, who promised to get back to her by a certain time; of course, she heard nothing from them, and so she re-contacted them herself. They told her (1) the reason she did not get the bonus is because she is no longer employed at Capital One (notwithstanding that the rest of us in the Work Cluster DID get our bonuses), and (2) in response to her complaint that they did not contact her as promised, they said that they DID contact her... by sending an e-mail to her (no longer operating) Capital One e-mail address.

Those who can, do; those who can't, become Human Resources People...

[marrymeflyfree]

(2) in response to her complaint that they did not contact her as promised, they said that they DID contact her... by sending an e-mail to her (no longer operating) Capital One e-mail address.

I think this is my favorite part. heh.

Talk about a Work Clusterf*ck...maybe they should have laid off some of your HR peeps.

[SportsFan68]

Those who can, do; those who can't, become Human Resources People...

I take exception to this only because I was once a Human Resources People, but not one who would pull at least one of the stuffs Wintergreen talks about, not only because it would be stupid, but because my boss wouldn't have stood for it. Admittedly, we were a much smaller organization, and Wintergreen's Work Cluster was probably about the size of our entire full time staff. If my boss had been contacted by a laid-off People with the complaint about how HR tried to contact a defunct company E-mail address by way of official notification, his direction to HR would have been two words: "Fix this."

In HR's defense, they get a lot of cheap shots and bad press that they don't deserve. No one on the planet got into HR to be in law enforcement, but the immigration laws make HR staffers into exactly that. Other hats include banker, and counselor, and lawyer, and strategic planner, and accountant, and budget analyst, not the mention the duties that were on the job description of the full-time job they applied for.

[SportsFan68]

P.S. to Wintergreen --

I took your joke about "how many dogs does it take to change a light bulb" to Toastmasters Friday, and they loved it!

I'm never going to be Jokemaster again, I can't top it.

[themanintheseersuckersuit]

Sprots, we love you we really do, even if a politically active HR type ain't getting much love around here lately, really we do.

[SportsFan68]

Sprots, we love you we really do, even if a politically active HR type ain't getting much love around here lately, really we do.

Not to mention, the blabberiestmouth around!

I love you too, SuitDude.

[Beebs52]

Sprots, we love you we really do, even if a politically active HR type ain't getting much love around here lately, really we do.

Not to mention, the blabberiestmouth around!

I love you too, SuitDude.

I'll second TMITSSS's statement. We do.

[peacock2121]

Sprots, we love you we really do, even if a politically active HR type ain't getting much love around here lately, really we do.

Not to mention, the blabberiestmouth around!

I love you too, SuitDude.

I'll second TMITSSS's statement. We do.

sprots is the example of all that is false about stereotypes for politicians and HR people.

The thinking among us would then start to question their stereotypes.

The non-thinking would just have it be about sprots being special.

Not that she is not.

[christie1111]

P.S. to Wintergreen --

I took your joke about "how many dogs does it take to change a light bulb" to Toastmasters Friday, and they loved it!

Can you repost that if it was posted?

Or just post it if you didn't before?

Thanks!

[MarleysGh0st]

P.S. to Wintergreen --

I took your joke about "how many dogs does it take to change a light bulb" to Toastmasters Friday, and they loved it!

Can you repost that if it was posted?

Or just post it if you didn't before?

Thanks!

Wintergreen posted it in this thread:
viewtopic.php?p=27569

[silvercamaro]

Oh, my! That thread took me back to such a scary day, and I remembered the horrible words too terrible even to type: "flesh-eating bacteria." The flesh-cannibals stayed away, thank heavens, and Annie is almost healed.

She goes back to the veterinary surgeon for a check-up this afternoon. The only area remaining without skin is the spot where her wound was deepest. In that place, to my eye, her body has been busier building tissue from the bottom up, before it worries about skin cells. That's okay with me, and I think it will be okay with the surgeon as well.

I might cry a tiny bit today, but with joy and thankfulness. Somebody at the surgical center might get hugged, too.

And, of course, Annie liked the light bulb joke as much as I did.

[christie1111]

I rmember that now, that was very funny.

Thanks!

[Vails]

I love HR people. Half of my job is helping them do their jobs better. The other half is helping unions do their jobs better, so on balance, I actually do nothing at all.

HR JOKE OF THE DAY:
How many HR people does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they're too busy trying to sit at the boardroom table! Ha ha ha! That was funny if you are an HR person. And boy, do they have some sense of humor. I've been to conferences. Wild, wild stuff. They make those folks in payroll look like wussies!!

HR FUN FACT:
The best thing about doing research for HR professionals is that I get to read the juiciest court cases about acts of harassment, discrimination, and retaliation that just boggle the mind.

Did you know that if a male boss sexually propositions a woman at work, his company could be found liable for harassment? But if he sexually propositions another man as well, then the company's off the hook? This is because sexual harassment is, legally, a form of sex discrimination, so propositioning people of both sexes cannot be a discriminatory act. The legal term for it is "equal opportunity harassment."

HR ACRONYM QUIZ!
Name the employment laws represented by the following abbreviations and acronyms.

1. ADA
2. ADEA
3. FMLA
4. FLSA
5. LMRA
6. OSHA
7. ERISA
8. COBRA
9. USERRA
10. "SOX"

Answer to posted later by a third-party vendor.

[Timsterino]

Those who can, do; those who can't, become Human Resources People...

Sorry things have not been great for you Wintergreen. I promise you not all of us are bad. We do get a bad rap and many times deservedly so, but it is an unappreciated field that we work in.

Like any field there are good apples and bad.

Tim
Director of Human Resources, member of SHRM.

[SportsFan68]

I'll second TMITSSS's statement. We do.

I love you too, MsKing.

[SportsFan68]

sprots is the example of all that is false about stereotypes for politicians and HR people.

The thinking among us would then start to question their stereotypes.

And you, Pea.

We questioned some stereotypes at a Dems meeting 2nite. It was way fun.

[Beebs52]

A serious comment about HR folks. I have nothing but good things to say about any HR folks I work/worked with. They are tasked with managing both the employee/management/union/insurance company/insert your organization here. They have to tightrope a fine line between maintaining employee morale, while conserving company resources (hey, insurance is really f****ing expensive and someone has to pay...) and they have to deal with all sorts of weird human interest crap that I, personally, would not want to deal with. And then make it smooth out or go away so as not to alienate too many people. It is not an easy job.
Oh, and recruit for every department while coddling every manager in the process.

So. There you go.

[gsabc]

Actually, I wonder if the stereotypical HR person may be someone who isn't trained for the job. I had decent HR help at one employer, but the next one was a disaster. She used to be a tech till they got bigger, and I now suspect she got bumped to HR as they got bigger because she sucked as a tech, too. She was either the most clueless person when it came to HR or the biggest company shill I've ever met.

Two stories about her: I knew my salary was well below the average for my experience, and my boss knew it too, being in the same boat. A few weeks after the trade magazines came out with their salary surveys, she stood up at a company-wide meeting and said according to the latest data from the region, we (the company) had "competitive" salaries and benefits. My boss and I looked at each other across the room. It was all we could do to keep ourselves from laughing in her face.

Story 2: Our lead QA guy was scapegoated when things went south in an audit. Short version is that his boss would pat him on the head whenever he pointed out problems, then would ignore the problems. The boss left on his own with a good chunk of company stock and bonus money. QA Guy got blamed for the mess. Anyway, QA Guy got a similar job elsewhere, with about a 35% salary increase. HR Person's minion (we'd grown enough for her to have a minion) asked his new salary at the exit interview. HR Person, upon hearing the number, called him a liar.

Story 2A: HR Person's first minion started the same day as me. He left on his own, again for about a 1/3 salary boost for essentially the same job. HR Person refused to believe the number, still insisting that we were "competitive".

Salary wasn't the only area where she stunk. We had a marginal medical and retirement plan, and her help when it came to other areas of HR was minimal.

There are good and bad HR people, as well as in every other department. Just like in the media, the bad stories are the ones that you hear about. Scott Adams wouldn't write about Catbert if HR news were all good. It depends on training and working for a company that truly cares about their employees.